Sex in the Age of AI -- Chapter 1 -- An Existential Turning Point

Many people are warning about what is happening to human sexuality in the modern world. Falling birth rates, young people increasingly drawn to screens rather than to one another, the exposure of young children to porn - there are issues everywhere.

But in this article I don’t want to rant. The pathologies are already well known, and it is generally accepted that we are not in a particularly healthy place. What interests me more is a different question: what possibilities are we facing now, and where are we actually going? Not only as a society, but as individuals who wish to remain aware, alive, and capable of thriving in a very tricky world.

For the sake of this inquiry, I will assume that technological development will continue. Artificial intelligence and human–machine interfaces will become increasingly sophisticated, increasingly responsive, and increasingly capable of interacting with, attracting, and influencing human beings. This is simply the situation we find ourselves in. The question, then, is not whether this will happen, but how we relate to it - how this situation may move us toward a certain transformation.

This situation places us in front of a decision. Not a political decision, and not a moral one - but an existential one.

For most of us, sexuality operates as a powerful force that moves us largely unconsciously, almost automatically. A man’s eyes may be drawn - often without deliberate choice—toward an attractive feminine body. A woman may feel aroused by the image of a capable partner who is devoted and loving. These are, of course, generalizations, and human sexuality expresses itself in many forms. Still, they illustrate something essential: sexuality exerts a strong, immediate pull on our nervous system.

As a largely unconscious, bio-mechanical phenomenon, sexual response is also predictable. It has recognizable triggers, can be anticipated, calculated, scripted, and evoked. This is why it appears so prominently in advertising, romantic films, social media feeds, and of course, porn. Sexuality, when left unconscious, becomes easy to stimulate - and therefore easy to use.

This brings us back to our present situation - to our existential decision point.

As human beings, we do have the capacity to move beyond a purely automatic relationship with sexuality. When sexuality is met with awareness, it begins to change in quality. It does not disappear, and it is not suppressed - but it is no longer something that simply happens to us. A sexually conscious person still feels attraction, desire, and excitement, yet is not enslaved by them. And an enslaved person, in this sense, is never truly free - never truly happy.

No artificial lover - no matter how sophisticated - can connect us to the deeper happiness we are capable of. That kind of fulfillment seems to arise only when sexuality is integrated with awareness, heart, and a sense of aliveness. In my experience, neither suppression nor over-indulgence leads there. What does lead there is a loving embrace of sexuality as a life force - something to be understood, respected, and consciously related to. Just like the phenomenon of partner love: love that has moved beyond the initial honeymoon phase, and is still sexual, but in a deep and loving way.

This has been, for me, a path toward greater freedom - not a transcendence that leaves sexuality behind, but one that fully includes it. I find the idea of ‘transcending sexuality’ through suppression or renunciation outdated and naïve. When sexuality is not renounced but consciously lived, one may, in fact, become even more sensual - but from a different place. Sexuality is then recognized as a generative force: the same force that brings life into the world, and that brought each of us into being. One may choose to express it through family and children, or simply as a deepened devotion to life itself.

As artificial intelligence becomes increasingly capable of engaging with human desire, this choice becomes more relevant. The imminent issue is not some kind of dramatic threat; it is simply convenience. A frictionless, conflict-free sexual experience is deeply attractive. It promises pleasure without vulnerability, intimacy without risk, satisfaction without effort. And for many, this will be enough.

Yet relating to sexuality in a conscious, loving way asks something different of us. It invites a journey that is not always comfortable or convenient. It involves attention, sensitivity, and a willingness to remain present with complexity. It involves facing challenges and uncomfortable emotions. It is deeply rewarding, but it asks for dedication and commitment. This demand shapes who feels drawn to such a path, and who does not. Take a moment, dear reader, to feel this. The phrases “the path of love” or “the path of sacred sexuality” sound so enticing - but really feel what it means to jump into such a journey.

I see this chapter as an invitation. An invitation to look inward and ask what capacities we need to find in ourselves as technology becomes more intimate, more persuasive, and more present in our inner lives. Those who choose this path will shine and stand out above all the rest, and it is my commitment to support these individuals. About the ways we may enter this kind of journey - more in the next chapter.

In the next chapter, I will explore different practices that may open such a doorway. Perhaps the immediacy our situation demands of us will prove to be more of a blessing than a curse - nudging us toward a way of meeting ourselves with greater agency and aliveness.